Years Ago: “And you say that you’re Steve? Okay, good enough for me.”
Not so Long Ago: “Make sure to put your bag up on this conveyor.”
Yesterday: “Put your bag on the conveyor. Take out anything electronic or liquid or that you could use to make yourself more pleasant in a hygiene sense. Also, shoes off, bitches.”
Today: “Well, you can choose between a tasteful nude photo or someone fondling you.”
Tomorrow: “Sir, please strip down and put all your clothes through the machine.”
A Few Days Later: “Sir, strip, put your clothes on the conveyor, and then walk toward me while slowly jerking off and telling me about your top five biggest failures in your personal and professional life.”
A Few More Days After That: “Live with this TSA Agent for eighteen years. You will live as husband and wife. You will fight. You will love. You will experience joy and difficult times together. Then, and only then, will you have earned the right to come here and get fucking naked and let us pepper spray you.”
A Couple of More Days: “Okay sir, now that you are completely nude and have swum through an acid that dissolves any bacteria on you, we are going to handcuff you, seal you in a barrel, and roll you onto the plane. You will be continuously spun on the plane so as to disorient you and prevent you from committing any terrorist acts.”
And Then Finally: “So, we decided that we just don’t have this under control, so no more flying forever for anyone.”