“Oh, jaysis. Not good. Not good.
Okay, so I thought this was gonna be more like Afterlife With Archie, or even the monthly, more recent Archie titles where Archie is actually pretty tolerable. It’s a soap opera, but fuck it, so is Spider-Man.
But this was like a 1950’s Archie mag with Predator showing up at some point.
Guys, I BARELY made it to the part where Predator shows up. The kids go on a spring break trip to some island, blah, blah blah.
Which doesn’t even make sense. Why wouldn’t Predator just come to Riverdale? He’s a goddamn space alien. And by my count, 1 Jungle (Predator), 1 city (Predator 2), 1 Antarctica (Aliens v Predator), 1 Colorado (Aliens v Predator: Requiem) and a return to the jungle (Predators). He doesn’t have to always be in the jungle.
But my god do I not give one fuck about Betty v Veronica. Archie is a dweeb. Lose the zero and get with the hero, ladies. By which I mean Jughead. That motherfucker has swagger so large he wears a crown 24/7. That’s a man.
Also, I’m a Midge guy. Her last name is Klump, and my last name is a slight upgrade, so I figure that boosts my chances. Just sayin’.”