“If you haven’t already, read Karen’s review. There’s a Chuck Tingle cover gallery: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1271420426?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1
Look, this shit’s weird. But my favorite part was when a raptor from Earth 2 and a man from Earth…1? Earth Regular? Earth Classic? Whatever, these two creatures from different planets bro out, and then they talk about whether or not a male dinosaur fucking a human man is gay.
I’m embarrassed by how much I’ve thought about this very unimportant question.
Because is there anything less important than the answer to that question? If I fucked a space raptor from an alternate Earth, would anyone ask if said raptor was a dude? Isn’t this why we go in space, to explore?
Nevertheless, I have a couple thoughts.
First off, how would you know? I would have no idea whether an animal was male or female. I have a cat and I’m not entirely sure. I’m kind of just taking everyone’s word for it, plus the leers when I don’t have clothes on are a giveaway, if you ask me. That pervo can’t help herself. Even if an animal had its penis inside me, if it was a goddamn dinosaur, would I even know it was a penis?
By the way, off topic, where’s the museum exhibit of animal penises? Because that’s what I want to see. “Holy shit, look at that one!” They can do that dead body exhibit in the museum, but I’ll never see a polar bear’s wang? What a dumb world we live in.
Anyway, the other thing, is sex even hetero or homosexual when it’s with a different species? Doesn’t that supercede the male/female aspect?
[in this space I made a terrible analogy about bringing a lasagna to a pizza party. It didn’t work, and it was mostly an excuse to bash on Hawaiian pizza because hot pineapple is garbage]
Maybe it’s like fucking an inanimate object in a language other than English where the pronouns are gendered. If it’s a “La” pronoun in Spanish, it’s a babe, so it’s cool. So I could fuck an apple “La manzana” and be totally straight, but if I bang a banana, “El platano,” then I’m engaging in homosexual activity. But really, what’s that even mean? How is an apple more of a woman than a banana? Okay, that’s a terrible example. I’d like to redact the banana part of that. Bananas are definitely nature’s schlongs, but what about a tree or something?
Here’s what I’m saying: A male dinosaur is a male, but it’s not a dude.
EXCEPT the dinosaur in this story, who is totally a dude. He’s a hardcore dudebro. It’s disappointing because it’s like, dinosaurs left Earth to make a new world, and it’s populated by dudebros too? Damn it! How does this keep happening?
So, without casting a value judgement, my opinion is that having sex with a dinosaur, as a human, is not gay. However, having sex with a dinosaur while he’s wearing a flat-brimmed cap with stickers still on it, is gay.”