“Slotherhouse”

“Well, we did it. 

This definitely has the hallmarks of a bad movie. The sloth puppet looks horrendous and yet is in 100% daylight from the get go. The action takes place in a sorority house. There’s a super obnoxious character that the filmmakers seemed to think was hilarious and gave her way too much screen time. 

But I think where this one falls a little flat for me is that it really doesn’t live by its own premise. 

The one thing we know about sloths is that they are comically slow. And going into a movie about a murderous sloth, the comedy gold lives in the mines of that slow speed. How could a sloth be dangerous when it’s so damn slow?

Well nobody could figure that out, so they just made the sloth not slow. 

Now, I’m no naturalist, I still refuse to believe dinosaurs are birds because fuck you, but a fast sloth is just a mutated raccoon? A Critter? A Munchie? A Gremlin?

I think the slow mo could’ve been truly hilarious, but instead we got a so-so rampage. EXCEPT THAT IT WAS A HORROR MOVIE IN A SORORITY HOUSE THAT HAD ZERO NUDITY. 

Guys. Film fans. This has gone too far. I understand that we took things too far with nudity in slashers, but has the pendulum swung so far that there is not one, brief moment of nudity in a sorority house where there’s a killer sloth on the loose? Why are we getting a shower scene where the lady is naked, but then only shot from the neck up? And a second shower scene where a bunch of women go through a shower with all of their clothes on because that is their initiation ritual somehow?

Why are there so many shower scenes in this horror movie if nobody is going to be nude? How does this make any sense? Has the world gone mad?”