“For starts, too much plot on this movie. I don’t think I fully understand what happened, and I tried rewinding to catch what I must’ve missed, and as the movie spooled by again, I was like, “I don’t want to watch this stuff again.” So I didn’t.
For finishes, not enough gym-related deaths.
I’d like to suggest the following, just in case someone invents a time machine and can get some of these into the film:
1. Overloaded bench press slams down on someone’s neck, resulting in decapitation.
2. Hamstring raise machine goes haywire, bends someone’s knees forward past 90 degrees until his legs pop off.
3. Treadmill tread replaces with sandpaper, person attached to it somehow, eventually grinds down after they can’t keep up.
4. Zumba class: I shoot myself because that music is so terrible.
5. Cryotherapy tube: this one’s easy, think end of Demolition Man. I guess they probably didn’t have this stuff in 1989. Damn.
6. Abductor: tears someone’s legs off, but sideways this time!
Ugh, typing these out is kind of gross. Makes me seem like a monster.
But I didn’t enjoy Death Spa, so I may be a monster. “