“Bangkok Dangerous”

“When you find out this movie is a remake of one about a deaf/mute hitman, it makes more sense. You can see the wheels turning. 

Okay, we want to remake this movie. We got Nic Cage. But wait we don’t want Nic Cage in our movie if he’s not going to talk okay, screw it, we’ll make him neither deaf nor mute. We’ll graft those aspects onto the love interest.

See, I was watching this and wondering why this character was deaf and mute and also would speak no English anyway, and somehow falls instantly in love with Cage in one of his worst wigs. It was like they wanted to make the romance as unlikely as possible, which is saying something because my previous winner for unlikely Cage romances was easily Jessica Biel. 

I’m not saying you couldn’t have a deaf/mute love interest in your movie, why the hell not, right? I’m saying THIS movie has so little plot and content that I was a little confused as to why the things that were happening were happening. This movie is in no way thoughtful, so why would they be thoughtful about this one aspect, the love story, which is really not all that important?

Ah, because it was some misguided filmmaker’s way of staying true to the original, even though the point was a hitman who was deaf/mute, not one who falls in love with a deaf/mute woman. 

The real cap on this story is that this is how I occupied my mind. The movie is that boring.”