“Wikipedia is not an acceptable source.”
Oh really? At least Wikipedia cites something. Meanwhile you stand up there with no fucking citation whatsoever. I’m just to assume that you know what the fuck you’re talking about because you’ve done this before. “I’ve done this before” is not an argument that works on anything else. I know I’m drunk driving, but I’ve done this many times before.
“I don’t believe in grade inflation.”
Well, I don’t believe in school in general, but look where we both ended up. I don’t think it’s really up to you, sort of how it’s not up to you to decide whether or not you believe in financial inflation and only pay five cents for a candy bar. Maybe this is something you should discuss with your dork professor friends in your shitty offices that look like the inside of trailers if they made trailer homes in Britain. Maybe talk it over with the people who are doing it rather than punishing the people who just want to put enough words on pieces of paper to get through another day of this existence that they are constantly questioning because it’s so pointless. Because, you know…death.
“You should have at least [way too many] cited sources for this paper.”
I know you want me to do some research, but how many sources is it going to take to convince you of my dumb points? I’m pretty sure that someone could cite no sources and convince me that chopping off a black man’s arm for diamonds is not cool. Or AIDS? Should I just inject you with AIDS blood and then I can cite you as a first-hand account? Just calm down with the number of sources, and if you want some amazing, definitive article about human trafficking, call fucking Time magazine.
“After 3 absences you lose one letter grade.”
Really? Because I have a vague memory of paying an ASSLOAD just to take this class. I’m not saying I should be able to show up and drink whiskey from a tumbler and smoke a cigar, counting out thousands of dollars in cash on the desk while you’re trying to teach me how triangles work, but I think I should be at least a little bit in charge. Where else in this fucked up world do things work this way? If I pay for a movie ticket and don’t show up, the fucking theater doesn’t punish me further. They got their money, so who cares? If I join a gym, they don’t charge me extra for not going or put up a poster of my flaccid penis or something. They just call it a day. And if I can pass your class without showing up, that means I don’t need to show up because I know enough to pass your dumb class.
“I don’t accept late work. They won’t let you do this in your jobs.”
Oh wait, unless you’re a teacher and you can grade shit whenever you get around to it. You set your own schedule in terms of grading, so arrange the due dates so that you can get things graded in a timely fashion.
“Group work is something you will have to do all your life, so you should start getting used to it now.”
How does that work? So you’re telling me that if I can look into the future and see something bad is going to happen to me, like say I know I’m going to get hit in the face with a pool cue, I should just start hitting myself in the face with a series of tougher and tougher pieces of wood until I graduate to pool cue, which still hurts just as much and does just as much damage? I’ll also be pissing myself when I’m an old man, so should I just start doing that now as well? Goddamn, not to mention that the group stuff I do at work is for money-making, not because I spent money to do it. Half the reason we get paid for jobs is because there are so many other assholes there that no one would deal with for free.