Beermas/Cagemas 2: Left beer: tasty, delicious, drinkable, would have like 5. Right beer: interesting, super sour, probably best split with a friend. Had a taste of baked crust which was kind of mind blowing. Primal: phoned-in piece of shit, basically Die Hard meets tiger King on a boat. Had so much potential, but mostly squanders it by having no plot. I don’t need a ton of plot, but this one is like a bad guy is loose on a boat, he kills people, then he’s thwarted. Nic Cage is not bad, however, easily the most watchable thing on screen, much better than a bad CGI leopard. I think this was action crap with no aspirations to be anything more than action crap, so they didn’t “go for it” in any big way, and the result is an oatmeal of a movie. HOWEVER, I’m nominating this for best closing shot as it features Nicolas Cage with a cane and a parrot on his arm on the deck of a cargo ship. Out of context this makes no sense and is wonderful. In context it’s also nonsensical, but what are you gonna do?

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