“You should write about how people take weight loss pills instead of getting to the gym, or simply eating less and moving more.”
Ah, the weight loss pill. I’ve never really understood this pill thing. I feel like we know about pills that work. Viagra, Cialis, all the boner pills work, and we’re all well aware of them. Birth control is another good one. Seems to be working most of the time.
But these weight loss pills, I’m just not buying it.
Part of my profession involves evaluating web sites, so let’s take a look at some weight loss pill web sites and be on the lookout for any red flags.
*
Okay, so this web site looks sort of reasonable. You have pills, you have a white, clean appearance, and some babe’s torso. But c’mon, who isn’t going to look slimmer when standing in front of gigantic pills? My perception is all thrown off here. And what the hell is that tagline? “Warning: 95% of weight loss pills DO NOT work?” What’s up with the question mark? Is that…am I saying that, or is the web site. I’m fucking confused. Are they asking me if that’s true? I guess that’s one way to appear like you’re doing right in a court of law. “Oh no, your honor. When you look at my web site, you can see there’s a question mark after it says, ‘helpfulsnowman.com is your number one source for test preparation materials via mail.’ So you see, I’m asking. I have no fucking idea. Based on my appearance here in court today, I would say no, we are not number one. But now we know.” Also, get with the program. .net? Fuck you. Fuckyou.com.
Just to see a more common version, I skipped ahead to page 9 on the google search for “weight loss pills” and here’s what I got. This is a hard-hitting investigation, huh?
Holy diver. How much shit can you pack onto one page? You’ve got pages on the left, a calculator, a sale, and all kinds of other shit. This is the first fucking page. And based on the shitty pictures, the pill not only turns you slim, but from a regular lady to some Eastern European party weirdo to a full-on post-op transsexual. Now that’s a goddamn pill.
Diet pills are shit. That said, when you see the flashing banner ad on this site that’s telling you to buy diet pills, you click the fuck out of it. I don’t care if you buy a damn thing, just click that ad until your mouse crushes into a billion pieces.