Have you ever wanted to write a book for children, but you’re not sure how? Use this simple children’s book generator to create your masterpiece today. Remember, by using this tool you are giving implied consent that you will send me 10% of the profits (rejection letters).
Supplies:
1 dice. Or die. That sounds so strange, but just one of the things you use to lose Monopoly with. You know what I’m talking about.
1 readiness to give up on quality.
Procedure:
Roll the dice. Based on the number, select one of the following names:
1. Samuel
2. Mikey
3. Eric
4. Mavis
5. Dotty
6. Bryan
This will be the name of your main character.
Roll the dice again. Based on the number, select one of the following names:
1.Ronald
2. Ronald
3. Ronald
4. Ronald
5. Anthony
6. Ronald
This will be the name of your character’s nemesis.
Now you need to pick a weakness for your main character. Don’t worry! It just might turn out that this “weakness” is your character’s hidden strength. The easiest way to do this is to do it Mad Libs style. Have someone read the following out loud to you, prompting you to fill in the spaces with the correct word.
“This stupid book is about a kid with ________ ___________________________.”
(size) (body part) (not penis) (or ass)
Great! key to this scenario is the bully making fun of the hero. Roll the dice again. This will be the number of bad names that Ronald or Anthony calls your main character. Feel free to pick from the list or create your own: Big head! Little Head! Medium Head! Shitty Head! You get the idea.
But then disaster strikes! Pick from one of the following disasters by rolling the dice:
1. Tornado
2. Too much of a baked good prepared for a fair.
3. Lots of litter around town.
4. Ethnically diverse family moves into the neighborhood.
5. Something to do with pioneers. Broken wagon wheel?
6. Bad odor.
Then, your hero uses his special ability to solve the problem. Sometimes it’s tricky. How does a kid with really long arms solve litter? He uses his long arms to reach it across town and into someone else’s landfill. Duh. How does a girl with really short hair solve the problem of an overabundance of baked goods at a fair? Why, she starts a cherry pie fight, and after all the girls are covered in pie goo, which stains their hair red, they ALL have short haircuts. Who’s the pariah now, motherfuckers!?