Well, here’s the owner’s manual for my motorcycle that I finally scrounged up online. This is the main piece of advice it gives on maintenance and safe riding. I especially like the first one, YOU WILL BE KILLED OR SERIOUSLY HURT IF YOU DON”T FOLLOW DIRECTIONS. Has a real guarantee feel to it. So far I have checked the oil without bursting into a ball of flames and pain. So far, so good.
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I know that getting a caroli in the shape of a heart doesn’t guarantee that the cook is in love with me. But I also know that it even less guarantees that he ISN’T.
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Sweet Baby Ray’s on sale $10/10. Look, I don’t want to tell everyone else how to live their lives, but this is the only real BBQ sauce that has any business in your fridge (also, possibly KC Masterpiece if you need somehting sticky). Listen, this is any barbecue meal you need minus the meat, charcoal, and about eight beers. The regular is good for cooking with, the honey is good for topping with. It’s sold at Menard’s. What else do you need to know?
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I was going to complain that this temporary tattoo was printed backwards, but after looking at this picture I realized that the state of my arm hair is far more alarming. It looks like something ripped off the filter inside a dryer. Seriously, it looks like I pulled it out of a drain and lightly rubber cemented it to my arm for the picture in order to look more masculine.
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This is from a book cover, Seniors Acting Up, which contains skits and plays for seniors. I don’t want to be an asshole here, but somebody get that guy a girdle, or at least some horizontal stripes. Seriously, it looks like a woman meeting her retarded son for the first time.