WHAT I HAD YESTERDAY: 1 new message
WHAT MY PHONE TOLD ME I HAD YESTERDAY: 31 new messages.
HOW I FELT ABOUT THAT: Crestfallen.
WHAT 31 NEW MESSAGES WOULD HAVE BEEN: An all-time record.
WHAT 1 NEW MESSAGE WAS: The lowest number except for zero, which is really more of a concept than a number.
HOW I HANDLED IT: Poorly.
WHAT THAT MEANS: Wiping away tears while eating an uncooked hot dog.
HOW I WANTED TO TELL THE WORLD: With a picture.
WHAT I USUALLY USE TO TAKE PICTURES: My phone.
MINIMUM # OF MIRRORS REQUIRED TO PHOTOGRAPH MY PHONE’S SCREEN WITH ITS OWN CAMERA: 2
MAXIMUM NUMBER OF MIRRORS I FEEL IT’S WISE TO KEEP IN ANY SINGLE DWELLING: 1
FUCKED: Totally.