Mr. Snowman Sir,
Have you ever drank the wine “arizona stronghold”?
was it good? how much did it cost? where did you purchase it also?
From,
A Bald Guy w/ Glasses
Dear Costanza,
I’m not sure whether you were asking my opinion on a wine or trying to trick me into looking into a wine. That’s an asshole-y marketing scheme, and I’m definitely going to try it. “Dear Abby, Have you heard of this Helpful Snowman? .com?”
Well, if you’re sincerely asking about the wine, I would say to buy it, drink the whole thing straight from the bottle while shouting at old episodes of Doctor Who, and then you tell me what it was like. Stop being a cheap fuck, you cheap fuck. You are self-admittedly bald and have glasses, so you better at least work at not being a cheap fuck. Maybe you’ve been alone long enough to convince yourself that sex with another human doesn’t matter, but the rest of us aren’t buying it.
If you were trying to get me to visit a web site, you have failed, sir. I know very little about wine, however I have a checklist that helps me out. If any of the following items appear to be involved with the wine, I decline:
-The state of Arizona.
-Words like “stronghold,” “bunker,” and “hate tank.”
-The mere fact that it’s wine.
-Liquor recommended by bald people with glasses who advertise that they are bald and have glasses online despite the fact that this is totally unnecessary.
Just to wrap up, you are a cheap fuck and you don’t understand the internet.
Drunkenly Yours,
H.S.