1. Do the teams have home and away jerseys?
2. If so, are they not two jerseys but one reversible jersey that players often end up reversing in their mom’s station wagon when they get to the field and realize they’re wearing the wrong color?
3. Are oranges and Squeeze-Its the most rejuvinating and replenishing forms of nourishment so far discovered by man?
4. Do adults have their oranges sliced in quarters for them, or are they left to peel them themselves?
5. Are shin guards worn by everyone, or is that just for pussies?
6. Is Umbro still a company?
7. What is the difference between a shoe, a baseball shoe, and a soccer shoe? Can someone make a comparison chart?
8. Would said chart convince my mom to buy me soccer shoes?
9. Does everyone want to be goalie, or no one?
10. What position do the shitty players whose moms are just making them do this so that they get out of the house play?